We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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