Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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