she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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