if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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