She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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