dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
