i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
