i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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