dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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