She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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