Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
