Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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