So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize