you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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