Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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