Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
