I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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