omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
