If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
