i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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