Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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