i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize