have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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