Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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