I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize