So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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