I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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