YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
that's an acceptable place to lick
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
