And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
