im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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