CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
