I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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