no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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