I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
