Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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