I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
