so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
