Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
