My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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