spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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