Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
