New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize