they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
