my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
