She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
