apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
false alarm, still single
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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