Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
