I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize