I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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