i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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