the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
