im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
