You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
