I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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