Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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