What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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