I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
