Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
