There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
