We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
