I will die if light touches me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
