I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
