I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
