Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
