it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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