Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
