i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
